Alex Horne is performing Seven Years in a Bathroom nationwide beginning at the Soho Theatre on March 12th. For further details see www.alexhorne.com
So, how did you fit in socially at school?
I was the 43rd most popular in a year-group of 100 so not bad (they did termly rankings which seemed harsh but did make the hierarchy easier to understand).
If any one teacher or kid that went to your school could read this interview, what would you say to them?
I’d probably mutter something about the weather and the Olympics then notice a bus behind them and run for it. I’m terrible at small talk, especially with people I sort of know but haven’t seen for over a decade.
What was your childhood dream job?
If you were going to have a night in with three things beginning with ‘P’ what would they be?
Big if, but it’d obviously be pizza (no pineapple), Paul Gascoigne and Poirot (box set). Not a bad night.
What one thing do you wish you had been the inventor of?
Reading in your head. St Ambrose (apparently) invented this in the 4th century AD. He must have been so smug after that.
Watch the video
Would you rather be the best looking man in the world, or the richest?
Depending on quite how disgusting my face was, I’ll be the richest please. I think money is excellent.
If you won the lottery who would be the first person you would tell and what would be the first thing you’d buy?
I’d obviously stick it on twitter to see if I could FINALLY become a trending topic. Then I’d buy a twix (I love twixes).
Presuming you were Jesus, and you could invite anyone dead or alive who would you invite to your last supper?
I always call it tea, not supper, but I think I’ll have Charlie Chaplin. But I’d quite like him to still be dead as I wouldn’t really know what to say to him.
Do you think there is life after death?
No. In fact, I think after I die everyone dies. That will literally be that.
You’re about to embark on a live stand-up tour called ‘Seven Years in the Bathroom’, why should people part with their hard earned cash to come and see you?
To be honest, I’d rather they spent some of the money they were given for their birthday, that way there’s less pressure. But I can promise they’ll get to see a microwave, some thin shins and some extraordinarily impressive Keynote presentations.